📿 The Three Selfies

Taking the punches that life throws at you with equanimity

“Without equanimity, our compassion can become compassion fatigue; we can outpour to an extent that we become exhausted or overly identified with the situation. Equanimity can help keep us resourced and in our center.” - Kaira Jewel Lingo

I’ve been reflecting a lot on equanimity lately, especially in terms of what it means to feel resourced and centered in today’s world.

When I was a kid, my parents bought me an inflatable punching bag—a four-foot-tall, egg-shaped clown. No matter how hard I hit it, it would bounce right back, thanks to the sand weighing it down at the bottom. Five-year-old me would wail on this clown; I would end up exhausted and the clown would remain unmoved.

With devastating news breaking daily, it’s hard to bear witness to it all without feeling overwhelmed. Many of us, it seems, don’t have enough “sand” to bring us back to center. We get hit by the events of the day and collapse under their weight, taking hours—or even days—to recover.

In my early twenties, I did mushrooms with a fellow meditation teacher, a friend of mine. As we wandered through Williamsburg, philosophizing about the suffering of the world and our work as fledgling meditation teachers, we congratulated ourselves for doing something that might help others. Hours later, lying on his couch, I had an epiphany. I turned to him and said, “If we worked in fireworks, we’d probably be having the same conversation—only the punchline would be that fireworks make people happy, and we’re still helping the world.”

I share this because I know longtime readers might be tired of hearing, “This is why we should meditate.” But I still genuinely believe that meditation helps—both us and the world. Every time I sit on my cushion, I add a little more sand to my punching bag base. I feel more rooted, centered, and resourced. This makes it easier to stay anchored in the face of life’s challenges and the world’s suffering.

When I don’t collapse under the weight of of the day, when I slowly bounce back up after being pummeled by another story about bombings, political appointments, or racist or homophobic tragedies, I’m better able to support those around me.

Of course, compassion fatigue is real. I’ve felt it myself. It’s something I monitor closely because the last thing I want is to show up for others while feeling empty or disconnected myself. Beyond meditation, I’ve identified three practices that help me stay resourced and equanimous: I call them the three selfies:

1. Self-Acceptance

2. Self-Care

3. Self-Forgiveness